Useful stuff

What’s your love style?

Are your romantic affairs driven by your head and not your heart or are you passionate and spontaneous? From Eros to Mania, which of these six love styles suits you best?

Love is not simply one emotion that is experienced and expressed by everyone in the same way. Love is a more complex and multi-dimensional emotion which encompasses and individual’s needs and motivations. These differences in how we love have a profound effect on our relationships, especially with regards to our compatibility with others.

In 1976, researcher John Lee embarked on a project to discover what the word ‘love’ meant to a variety of different people. Through extensive interviewing he concluded that people view love in six different ways. He labelled each of these love styles with an appropriate Greek noun:

Eros

Literally, Eros is the love of beauty. This love style is focused around the sensual side of love, choosing partners using intuition and instinct over logic or analysis. Erotic lovers are the most likely to ‘fall in love at first sight’ and are more likely to use pet names like ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’.

Erotic lovers are hopeless romantics for whom relationships are simply one long honeymoon. Prone to naiveté and sentimentality, erotic lovers tend to live in a fantasy world and can be more vulnerable because of this. Yet they can make deeply intense and passionate lovers.

Ludus

Ludic lovers are the players and heartbreakers. Ludic lovers are concerned only with having lots of fun and playing the field, preferring quantity over quality and seeing sex as a conquest or sport.

They rarely suffer heartbreak and avoid institutions, such as marriage, which they see as claustrophobic. If they do find themselves in a long term relationship they are the most likely of the six love styles to be unfaithful. Yet on the positive side, Ludic lovers – thanks to all the practice – are often fantastically skilled lovers!

Storge
Storgic lovers are driven by friendship and emotional intimacy over physical intimacy and they often remain close friends with their ex partners long after breaking up. Uninterested in playing mind games, they are looking for a best friend more than they are a lover and emphasise commitment and faithfulness.

Sex is less important to a Storgic lover than the other styles and they see children and marriage as an important part of their bond to their partner. Although some might find them boring or less passionate, they are faithful to the core and open to true emotional intimacy.

Pragma

Pragmatic lovers are practical, rational and realistic about what they want and expect from a partner. They like to play the long game and want a partner who shares their values and with whom they can work alongside to fulfil their common goals.

Because they are planners, they are constantly assessing the costs and rewards of their relationships and avoid affairs or infidelity because they are so highly aware of the consequences. They are able to dissociate their emotions so that they see sex as either a reward or as a means of procreation and will already have weighed the potential liability or asset of having children long before they decide to do so.

You know where you are with a pragmatic lover, and although they may lack spontaneity or passion, they are reliable and focused partners.

Mania

Manic lovers put all their energy and focus into their relationships; they are often needy and possessive and usually suffer from low self-esteem. They see their relationships as a means of ‘rescue’ and can be extremely anxious or insecure.

They strive towards marriage which they see as ultimate ownership and can swing between seeing children as competition or a substitute for their lover. They suffer from extreme jealousy and view sex as a reassurance of love and security.

Mania is common in teenagers and most people grow out of this love style. However, in extreme cases it can become associated with co-dependency and even addiction. Although their love is intense, manic lovers are often also very obsessive and emotionally unstable.

Agape

Agapic lovers focus all their love on the other. They tend to be self sacrificing and often spiritual or religious, seeing their partners as treasured gifts.

Their biggest fear is inflicting pain on others, so they are fiercely faithful lovers who see marriage and children as part of a sacred bond, and sex as a gift. Agapic lovers offer unconditional love, but their flowing generosity can make them vulnerable to being used or taken advantage of.

So, where do you fit in? And perhaps more importantly, where does your partner or ideal partner fit in? The consequences of these differing love styles are profound and can explain why previous relationships were destined for failure and can offer insight into what sort of style you should look for in a potential mate.

Related articles:

3 intimate addictions: love, romance and sex

What’s your love style? Tell us below in the comment section:

Bookmark with:

« Back

Comments

04/02/2008 @ 14:36 zorro said

I am definitly Eros!! I think my man is a former ludos... I have my work cut out :)
04/02/2008 @ 21:52 Sehquethel said

I think I'm a cross between pragma and agape. My ex is definitly a ludo... and my current... I'm not sure.
05/02/2008 @ 05:49 roze said

I can imagine nothing other than being an Eros. All the others terrify me to be honest
05/02/2008 @ 14:20 thorn said

I am a Storge with a smidgen of Agape thrown in. Friendship and companionship are what I look for in love, but I tend to focus on my love's needs more than my own. I find it interesting that Sex is supposed to be less important to me.
06/02/2008 @ 20:00 SeekerEmerald said

I am 97% Eros, 1% Storge, 1% Pragma, 1% Agape...
Plus or minus .2% :o)
07/02/2008 @ 13:57 Swon said

50% Storge and 50% Agape
07/02/2008 @ 20:01 Elle said

I am completely Eros and I would have to give my fiancee a cross between Eros, Ludus and Agape.
07/02/2008 @ 22:23 meeee said

Oh well i'm a storge and a quarter mania (but aparently should be growing out of this last one :P)
09/02/2008 @ 13:25 upsidedownandbackwards said

I would have to say my husband and I are both agape and storge it would have to be a 50/50 mix. =)
12/02/2008 @ 09:58 dancingmystery said

I'm Pragma/Storge...I do enjoy emotional intimacy and have deep relationships but I also use common sense
24/02/2008 @ 21:44 redteacup said

I'm 95% Eros, 4% Ludos, and 1% Mania
03/03/2008 @ 09:09 PuttingOffTests said

The descriptions for each category are too specific. You can be a storgic without wanting to be married or have children and one can be an agape without objectifying the other person spiritaully...
03/04/2008 @ 23:17 Pink said

I am now completely panicked because I am most definitely Mania. I'm certainly not a teenager though, how on earth do I stop myself being like that? It sounds awful when you read it set out like that, but that's definitely me.
16/05/2008 @ 17:19 Inward Gaze said

I'm sticking with Eros...
28/05/2008 @ 05:24 Superstar_Wallflower said

Pragma/Storge, with a touch of Agape. :)
22/06/2008 @ 14:04 DisguisedSoul said

I'm torn between Pragma and Mania, while my loved one seems to be more of Agape and Eros.
02/09/2008 @ 17:39 skywalk said

I too appear to be mostly Mania and I'm no teenager; also fit other and I have no partner.
17/10/2008 @ 23:46 Ina said

i lost my on true love, he is married for 10 years and I am still bereft.
30/11/2008 @ 02:58 Sigma_Hydrae said

50% Storge and 50% Mania.
I try to be friends with them, and I get upset if they just ignore me for no reason after we break up.
My boyfriend... Oh. Part Ludos and part Eros. Um... Wow.

Post comment

You need to login to add your own comments

MTVi - The support network for young people

Useful stuff

What’s your love style?

Comments

Post comment